Message from a Fan called Sam
Ayup, I have recently received the below messages from a big fan of mine. These messages have worried me greatly as Sam seems to be going through some issues. I feel terrible as he has been trying to contact me, sometimes its hard to keep up with all the messages I receive, but this doesn’t mean I don’t care. Please can I encourage everyone to show some love and support as the message has worried me a bit.
Message 1
Dear Callum
I DMed you but you still ain’t talking
I left my insta, my snapchat and my facebook at the bottom
I send 2 messages on your website’s forum you must not have got em
The must have been a reset of Bristols 4g that Autumn
But anyway fuck it whats been up man hows your corner
I’m starting my own channel too I want to be a performer
If I have supporters guess what imma call em? Imma call em Callums
I watch your rants about Amy Adams, I’m saddened
I had a friend turn vegan and ended up being maddened
Anyway I’m sure you here this everyday but I’m your biggest fan
I even watched the Tesco vid when you exposed a scam
I bought your merch from spreadshirt man
I liked the sends you did for Morgz, Durv and Afgan Dan
Anyway I hope you get this man
Hit me back just to chat truly yours your biggest fan
This is Sam
Message 2
Dear Callum
You haven’t got back or tweeted, I hope you’ve had the time
I don’t mind, but why can I send a message if you don’t reply to mine?
If you didn’t want to go to a karate class this month you didn’t have to
But you could have shown up to the last few
I’ve waited since your first self defence video over 2 years ago
To try to train with you and you just said no
Thats pretty shitty man your like my fucking mentor
I’ve been watching your training videos ever since you first got send for
I’m not that mad though I just don’t want you to lie
Remember when we met in Bristol
You said that if I send a message you’d reply
I’m just like you in a way I don’t like cats or dogs neither
I think that all cats are spazmoidal creatures
I can relate to what your saying in your rants
And when I have a shitty day I sit down and watch you dance
Because I ain’t got much else so that shit helps when I’m depressed
I even wear a badge with your face across my chest
Sometimes I binge on tic tacs because they remind me of your head
It’s like adrenaline the sugar makes me feel overfed
You’ve ended noncery and I respect you because you tell it
Meme monkeys are jealous and call you a nonce 24/7
But they don’t know you like I know you Callum no-one does
They don’t what it was like for people like us growing up
You’ve gotta talk Callum I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever lose
Sincerely Yours Sam
PS we should film a smash or pass together too
Message 3
Dear Mr I’m-too-good-to-send-a reply-to-Sam
This will be the last message I’ll ever send your ass
It’s been an hour and nothing so far you still won’t reply me
I know you got my last two messages, I filled my details in precisely
So this is the last email I’m sending you I hope it arrives
I’m in the car right now I’m messaging while I drive
Hey Callum I ate a quart of Tic Tacs, such good feeling
You know that song by Little T Stop bullying
About a 11 year old kid on facebook getting hit
And Josh saw it all and then did a song to try to do his bit
This is kinda how this is you could have tried to stop my woe
But its too late I’m not even looking at the road
All I wanted was a video, an email or a tweet
I hope you know I took all the badges off my hoodie
I love you Callum!
We could have collabed on videos together and made money.
You’ve ruined it now why didn’t you just mention me or say something,
I hope you never get boom boom and you can’t get any dates coming
I hope the Corner hates you now and think you’re a fake: nothing!
You see Callum…
Shut up bitch I’m tryna talk
Thats my vegan friend’s screaming in the back seat
But I didn’t throw standard beans at him, I used heinz with meat
Because if he wakes up he’ll have nothing left to eat
Well gotta go almost up to Bristol bridge now,
Wait I forgot how am I supposed to send this text out!!
